that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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