My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
