My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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