is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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