its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
