I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
