with your own penis?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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