Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
