did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
