Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
