Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
