I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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