I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
