I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
