I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
