Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
