I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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