After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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