Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
