i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Drake has all the answers
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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