i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need to sanitize my soul.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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