I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
