tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
