Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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