I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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