I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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