John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
