I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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