hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
