The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
