u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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