I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
