Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
