You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
