Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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