I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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