I just made out with a guy for $7.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
