Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
