Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
