Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
barbara walters just said penis...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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