Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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