Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
