Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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