Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
