Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
