she looked like the before picture.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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