the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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