i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Someone came in the potted fern
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
