just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
