So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Text me some of your sweat
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
