Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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